'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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