You made me cry and you don't even care
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
