Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
It was confusing and full of hummus
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
