I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
