How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
