After last night, I could never be a politician.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
