why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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