woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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