Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
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