When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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