his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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