Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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