I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
