tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
