i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
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