I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
