Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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