Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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