I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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