Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
