I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
