Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
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