yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
