im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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