ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I'm bleeding and have questions
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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