Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
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