He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
