Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
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