In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
