I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
