Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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