So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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