I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
