The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
