So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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