Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
