Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
