I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
