just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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