Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Randomize
