I am puke
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
