My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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