I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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