just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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