I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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