If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
