When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
