I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize
