Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
