why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I believe in your delicious
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
