ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
