I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
MIDGETS
????
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
