Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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