I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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