Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
