marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
