when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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