the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
PANTIES FOUND
Randomize
