I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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