I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
