This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize