So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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