oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize