I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
