Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
