he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
