I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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